| People can take everything away from you
But they can never take away your truth
But the question is..
Can you handle mine?
They say I'm crazy
I really don't care
That's my prerogative
They say I'm nasty
But I don't give a damn
Getting boys is how I live
Some ask me questions
Why am I so real?
But they don't undersand me
I really don't know the deal about my sister
Trying hard to make it right
Not long ago
Before I won this fight
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live?
I don't need permission, make my own decisions
That's my prerogative
It's the way that I wanna live...it's my prerogative
You can’t tell me what to do
Don't get me wrong
I'm really not souped
Ego trips is not my thing
All these strange relationships really gets me down
I see nothing wrong in spreading myself around
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live?
I don't need permission, make my own decisions
That's my prerogative
why can't I live my life
without all of the things
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live?
I don't need permission, make my own decisions
That's my prerogative | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | BILLIE JEAN...Oh MJ | | Subject: | COLLEGE SUCKS! | | Time: | 02:47 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/pissedoff.gif) pissed off |
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| I hate College! I wanna go hommmmmme!
I took my first ever college test... and got a 30/40... that was in Economics. In AmericanWest, I had a midterm today and was A.D.D.ing it up, so I just looked out the window and didnt like write anything and what I did write was so repetitive and just bullshit, so I'm sure I did bad on that one too. I am way behind in my math module and can't retake the tests that I keep sucking on because there isn't enough time to retake them all before tomorrows deadline, so I have like a really low grade on the first third of the class and don't know how high I'll be able to get it the rest of the semester. In my stupid advanced writing class we wrote descriptive things, and everyone else was sooo good and mine sucked.
UGH! I just need to get on my studying. Weird how everyone told me to study the whole semester, not just when I have tests, and weird how I didn't do it. Whatever.
I'm going home tomorrow, and before that I have to type a paper, do annotated bibliographies, take two math tests and RIOT online tutorials. Suck.
Its cold. Im bored. I wanna go home. The boy down the hall is annoying the shit out of me. Im really pissy. I need to chill out.
I'm going to take a nap... Then swim... wow, I haven't done that in forever, and I know it relaxes me. Yup. I'm going to go swim. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| KATIE~ Cuz-A-Buzz! Lover! Dumb Girls! Aww shoot, wow! Kindergaten, Girl Scouts, Mrs. Bowman, Copying you, Continuation, Divorce, New Friends, Boyfriends, Brothers, Broomfield, Breakups, Laughs, Love, Loss, Graduation, Prom, Nights out, Clubbin'..... Best Friends. I love you baby!
............. I realized I only had one more, so I finished! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| JC~ I am really glad that we got to get to know each other, it is just too bad that you had to leave for school so soon. It has been great hanging out with you, you are so sweet. Have fun in California and congratulations on making the team, I'll be watching the games on ESPN, don't forget that I want to see our 'signal' on camera!
JEFF~ Or should I say meester chef? LoL. It has been so much fun in highschool, you crazy poutapouf! Ah... french class with Mrs. Cockrodt, how could I foget? Thank you for always being there for me, for always making me laugh and looking out for me as well as the long talks in front of my house... and look, you were right all along! I am sad to see you go off to college, but I'm sure I'll be seeing alot of you when you come to visit at CU! Go Buffs! Hurry up and transfer.
JENNA~ Or should I say Hlady Chenna? Looking back, I have the most fun when I'm with you. You are so fun... remember all the days of barbie haircuts, Easy bake ovens, and feeding that babydoll that peed the food out! We have been through so much together. I am so happy for you, and so grateful that our friendship will continue throughout college. Love you!
JESSICA~ OOHA! Ha ha, maybe everyone thinks we are crazy, but we understand eachother. We have one of those relationships where we never fight, which is awesome. The two of us have shared some wild times, crazy parties, more than a few beers, long crys, serious talks, uncontrollable laughs, and an amazing friendship. I love you... go buffs!
JOEY~ What am I going to do without you? Who is going to leave me flowers everyday now? I am really glad that we started hanging out, just wish it was sooner. You were an *excellent* prom date, I have good times when I'm with you, when you are not arguing with me or being stubborn! Just kidding, good luck at Creighton, you will have tons of fun and be soo successful. I'm excited for my ferarri! I'll be waiting...
KEVIN~ Peace up, A-Town down! It has been great this year... how come everytime we hang out, it always involves going out to eat? Oh right, cause you are Kevin Sandberg. LoL, I love your laugh too... that was the nicest compliment! Thank you for always looking out for me and for being such a good friend. Have a blast next year, I can't wait to come road trippin' to Texas!
..... more later, Im tired! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Here goes nothing... Or is it everything?
ADELE~ What the hell Adele? I would just like to point out that I coined that, thank you very much. What can I say, I am going to miss your laugh, dancing, smile... short skirts.... LOL. Remember once upon a time in 7th grade? Who knew? I'm glad we are still so close... Look out Cali!
BECCA~ We are our only friends... NOT! It has been a lonnnnnng journey, from barbies to college. I love you, and I am so glad that we are going to school together. Thank you for all of the memories... good and bad, both have made us stronger. I hope you dance... and I am grateful to have the opportunity to dance alongside you and "take the lead" whenever you may need me to. I love you! Are you ready?
BETSY~ Oh Lady! I regret not getting to know you as soon as the rest of us did, because look how close we are in the short time we have spent together. I have so much fun with you, and I admire your passion for life. Have so much fun in Cali, but stay who you are.
BRETT~ Yo foolsie. Thank you for making my senior year so memorable. Thank you for being there for me and letting me be there for you, for driving so far just to see me, for making me smile everytime I talk to you, and for finally calling me. Ha Ha... It really does mean alot to me that we talk again. I am going to miss you so much. I hope that you hate Lincoln and transfer back. I don't understand fully what happened with us, but I am glad to have you back into my life. You are amazing to talk to and spend time with. We have the kind of relationship where no matter how long we go without talking, we can just pick up where we left off... that is rare, so it must be special. I hope that we stay close friends throughout college. I hope you miss me, cause I'll miss you. I hope you come to visit me alot, and I hope you keep calling me your babygirl, cause I am. Love you foolsie.
CODY~ Hey stud. You are such an awesome guy, I know you will have tons of fun in college, and be very sucessful. We have had some of the best conversations... and, I know that I suck because I pulled some bitch moves and stopped talking to you for the wrong reasons. I'm sorry that that happened, but I am also so glad that we are getting that friendship back. Come visit me and good luck in Illinois.
COLIN~ I am really glad that we became close this year. Your passion for life and love for God are so admirable. You are the strongest person I know. Everyone needs a Colin in their life, and I'm so glad I met you... Let me know if the hair salon works out!
DYLAN~ Hey party boy! I have had so much fun with you this past year... What can I say? I live for the nights I'll never remember with the friends I'll never forget. You are so fun, and I also really enjoy our talks, you have good stuff to say. CU is going to be crazy... Are you ready?
EMILY~ Who wants to bake?!? We do! LoL, I am so glad that I spent so much time with you this summer. You are a true friend, and I have so much fun when I am with you. Remember all of our fun times, but more importantly, look forward to those to come. I can't wait until you are up at CU with me... lets just stay away from the Policia! Oh no, now who am I going to watch Newlyweds with?
HERN~ The more I get to know you, the more I love you. It was so good to see you at the well. You are such a positive person. I hope that we stay close, you are a great friend. I'm your biggest fan
OK......... more to come tomorrow, I'm so tired! Much love. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| So, scream I heard about your message,
And how it reeked of your indifference,
It bleeds horizontal straight from your wrist.
(So scream louder now)
I'm bound to come around about
(Bound to come around)
But can’t you, can’t you feel it rolling off your lips,
Tensing up your shoulders,
C’mon say it is...
[Chorus]
Well, it's love (It's love)
Make it hurt (I deserve it)
Well, it's love (It's love)
Make it hurt (I deserve it)
Well, it’s love, it’s love, it’s love...
Make it hurt.
I said I use the inconsistencies
To undress the machine,
You're the poster boy, their selling point, the focus for their new campaign.
(Something has to be)
Bound to come around about
(Bound to come around)
Oh, but can’t you, can’t you feel it rolling off your lips,
Tensing up your shoulders, c’mon...
[Chorus]
The keys to the castle
(Are right where I left them)
The princess walked in just to take more attention,
'Cause after all, well isn't that all that I've been after and,
After all, well isn't that all that I'm after,
You're so...
(No way out) I'll give up in you, I'll give up in you,
(No way out) I'll give up in you.
(No way out) I'll give up in you, I'll give up in you,
(No way out) I'll give up in you.
I wanted you for nothing more,
Than hating you for what you were,
If that's what you wanted to hear,
(Well, if that's what you wanted to hear)
I wanted you for nothing more,
Than hating you for what you were, | | comments: Leave a comment |
| OK BECCA! I'm updating! haha, well.............. I really am going to start trying to update this regularly so we'll see.
Life is good. I'm so psyched to go to college. I'm going to miss everyone, some more than others, I'll admit, but I still am really excited. I've been talking to my room mate, Beckett and she seems really cool, we are still trying to figure stuff out but yeah once we get all settled in it'll be good.
Stuff has been weird lately. Kind of. There are people who I should be spending my summer with but am not, like Katie, Betsy, and everyone else who is going out of state. Mostly it has just been Becca and Em. Emily and I have been baking up a storm this summer, look out Martha...good times. Becca and I have been chillin at work and yeah we are our only friends. Great. Also, I have started talking to Brett again, which is cool. I'm confused about some stuff but I don't feel like analyzing everything, so I'll just go with it... It is so good to be talking to him again, its like picking back up, but we both are chill with going back to school and plan to keep in touch...we'll see. But I have to go to work so I'm peacing, bye! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| "Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself And covered with a perfect shell Such a charming, beautiful exterior Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by But you're barely scraping by This is one time, this is one time That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone Or anyone at all...or anyone at all And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you've built to flee The places that you've come to fear the most It's the place that you have come to fear the most"
I FUCKING HATE BOYS.
I know that I say that I don't care, sometimes I even convince myself that I don't, but really, I do. Alot. I'm sick of people telling me how much better I am than that, but I don't care, cause he's what I want, and in the words of my best friend, "If I can do better than him, then why can't I get him?" Seriously. I'm confused, I hate him for making me feel like this, but still like him all the same and I don't know why. What I really want to know is why we didn't work out, maybe that will be some kind of closure or something, but how am I supposed to know if he never talks to me? I hate these feelings, and I'm through pretending that everything is cool cause if it was then I wouldn't be thinking about it so much. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| "Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself And covered with a perfect shell Such a charming, beautiful exterior Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by But you're barely scraping by This is one time, this is one time That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone Or anyone at all...or anyone at all And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you've built to flee The places that you've come to fear the most It's the place that you have come to fear the most"
I FUCKING HATE BOYS.
I know that I say that I don't care, sometimes I even convince myself that I don't, but really, I do. Alot. I'm sick of people telling me how much better I am than that, but I don't care, cause he's what I want, and in the words of my best friend, "If I can do better than him, then why can't I get him?" Seriously. I'm confused, I hate him for making me feel like this, but still like him all the same and I don't know why. What I really want to know is why we didn't work out, maybe that will be some kind of closure or something, but how am I supposed to know if he never talks to me? I hate these feelings, and I'm through pretending that everything is cool cause if it was then I wouldn't be thinking about it so much. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel
Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!
I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day
You got me in a spin but everythin' is A.OK!
Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh! Guitar!
Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!
~THE DARKNESS | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | The Darkness | | Subject: | ALL GROWN UP! | | Time: | 09:54 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/happy.gif) rejuvenated |
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| These last days have been the best EVER! My fireman called and I ended up already having plans with the girls that night, but I'll call him soon, maybe go on a date? On Friday, Betsy, Maritza, Jen and I just drove around and had fun... I don't usually hang out with Maritza or even Jen that much, but I'm glad I did cause I had so much fun and they are really sweet girls. Except we reeked of bud the whole night and we're not really sure why or how that happened, LOL.
Yesterday(Monday) I had CU Orientation!! It was a really long day, I had to wake up at 4:30 to get ready and be on Campus at 7:00 (Oh yes, AM!). I sat in a boring lecture where this scary dean talked for forever about how much work and stuff there is in college and how we'll all fail... I was so scared after that meeting, I came pretty close to dropping out. Just Kidding. Then after all the boring stuff I went on a library tour and met the coolest girls. Alessandra and Kara are in my dorm and from Georgia, Sam is from Florida, and Dara from L.A. The five of us ended up hanging out for the whole orientation and I love those girls now... plus, it is really nice to meet some people outside of my "comfort zone" of friends. I'm proud of myself!
So, Dara is from L.A. Lots of celebrities and stuff, right? She told me she had to call and say happy late birthday to a friend since she couldn't be in town on Sunday for her birthday, and we all passed around the phone to yell happy birthday. She also forgot to mention the important detail that MaryKate Olsen was the girl we were wishing happy birthday to! She is on page 80 of people, sitting next to Ashley Olsen at graduation, what a stud.
Later Monday night we got the chance to hang out and have a cookout and coffee shop deal with all of the freshman... It was alot of fun and I met so many cool people. And, I know CU is known as a party school, but I definately did not expect to be invited to six parties at ORIENTATION! Lots of the kids in the group knew people on the hill and were having parties up there, and some sophomores gave me and my friends directions. We didn't go though (Yes, believe it or not, Lauren did turn down a party invite), because we were too tired from such a long day, and if you get caught drinking at orientation you are kicked out of the school. So you know. My roommate definately came home shitfaced at 2:30, she was a Mullen girl, and had her friends there, so needless to say we didn't really bond. Oh well.
Today I went shopping and stopped in at Abercrombie! I miss the people I worked with soooo much. I got to see Andrew, Luis, Steph, Aleesha, Sara, and Jenny, who were pretty much my favorite people when I worked there, and it was good to hang out with them on their breaks.
As far as Brett goes, I'm pretty much over it. We haven't talked in days (he still hasn't called since my last entries). His dad had his cancer surgery today, so I texted Brett to say I hope everything goes well but he never wrote back. It sucks that it wasn't working cause I really like him and there definate relationship potential, but I understand that he has bigger concerns right now, like the cancer. So rock on. Orientation also reminded me how many new hot guys I'll be meeting in just a few months... There was so many prospective guys!! So I think I'll just take a break from the dating scene right now, so I'll be all ready to go August 19th! HaHa. But yeah, I'm out, comment or call me. Later Ballas. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Tonight I was talking with my good friend Brian, and he told me what kind of guy he thinks I deserve:
you deserve a guy that can make you laugh all the time, a guy that understands you, and understands how lucky he is to be with you, you deserve a guy that will hold you when you want to be held, be serious when you need him to be. you need a guy who will stick up for you, a guy that will do anything for you, you need a guy that wouldn't ever jeopardize your happiness. you deserve a guy that will watch chick flicks with you, a guy that will party when you want to, or at least understand that you want to and that its ok, you need a guy that trusts you, and more importantly a guy that you trust, a guy that would go to the mall with you and go into all your girl stores and not care cuz he gets to spend the day with you and thats good enough for him
Now if only guys like that existed...
And in case you were wondering, he hasn't called yet. But Kev gave me some really good advice tongiht from a guys point of view, and I'm not going to read into anything to much and try to be understanding and let whatever happens happen. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Sooooooo..... with a few exceptions (and I mean FEW), boys suck. They are all really stupid. To all of the stupid boys reading this: If you say you are going to call, call. If you tell me you are to busy for me, don't expect me to understand when you call me drunk and tell me how fun your night was. Don't act surprised when I'm a little "cold" after I have been trying to get ahold of you for days and you call me a week later. Don't blow me off for three weeks then finally start caring when I tell you I am giving up. Really, boys, It is not that complicated.
So, I decided to go shopping today. I needed something to take my mind off the frustration, wondering, unanswered questions, confusion, silence, anger, sadness, hoping, analyzing... you know. And you know what? $200, two pairs of shoes, three shirts, a VonDutch hat, a pair of shorts, two new pairs of sunglasses and a grande hazelnut chai latte later, I feel alot better. (Oh yeah, I just bought some shoes too... tell me if you like them http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/636581/c/1690.html )
Now that I feel better, I think I am just going to wait and see what happens. We talked on the phone today and he said he would call me tonight or tomorrow, maybe he will, maybe he won't. I like him sooo much... but I can honestly say that as much as I like him, I would be okay without him. But I really like him. But we never talk anymore. But I really like him. Yeah.
Another good thing: I met a fireman today. He stopped by the pool when I was working, but no one was swimming so we talked for like 30 minutes. He asked me if I want to go to dinner and a movie sometime, and I gave him my number. He is so hott, he is only 20 but lives alone and supports himself and drives a lifted jeep. As excited as I am about this, he sounds so grown up and its kinda scary! Oh well, I'll let you know.... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | TSL, duh | | Subject: | BOYS SUCK | | Time: | 02:00 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/angry.gif) frustrated |
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| "Hello Houston"~TSL
lead on
to keep our feelings strong
and make me still believe
our page is one and the same
our ways will separate tonight
you say if we were to wait
some things just might be changed
I say that I dont have the strength
to fuel a burning flame
speak to me
what can I say, we just live too far away
that's a shame that love can't make you stay
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
Leave me the way it has to be
excuse my poor excuse
tell me that insecurities
are what drove me to you
and everyday I compare your face
from sweet beginnings to your bitter end
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
Let me let go
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Dashboard | | Subject: | OKAY.......... | | Time: | 01:58 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/sad.gif) bored |
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| | Hi! So my friends who use this live journal stuff talked me into starting one. I don't know how good I will be at this, hopefully as fun as Beccas, haha. I'm leaving for work now though, so I'll come back to this... call me, I'll be bored! | | comments: Leave a comment |
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